Thursday, May 10, 2012

Everything is Okay, I Guess

Look at my life right now:

Yeah, that's me, sick in bed, using an inhaler.  Because my body has suddenly decided that breathing is optional.  I'd been having trouble taking deep breaths for a few weeks, then this terrible coughing thing started.  I was losing my voice I was coughing so much.  Then someone asked me just how bad I was going to let things get before going to the doctor, so I went, and they gave me this inhaler.  However, they said they don't really know what's causing my problem.  Now I have to go see a specialist.

The inhaler does help a little, but it pisses me off.  It's like they said "Oh, here's a bandage for that gash in your side... Sure, there might be some internal hemorrhaging and broken bones, but whatever, just go with that bandage for now."  Thanks guys.

I guess it always blows me away that most medical problems are treated with so little urgency.  When I was in the emergency room a couple years back, in excruciating pain, I laid on the floor in the waiting room for almost an hour before anyone did anything for me.  It's not like they were particularly busy, either, just not in a hurry.  My (unplanned) revenge was to throw up on the nurse's station when they finally did get to me.

Nurse: How's your pain on a scale of one to ten?
Me: *barf*
Nurse: ... I'll mark that as a ten.

Then I told her to make it a nine, because I didn't want to max out my pain scale that early in life.  Turns out I had a kidney stone due to dehydration.  Now I live in constant fear of a repeat performance, hydrating like a beast in order to prevent it.

For now, though, I can breathe moderately well, so I'm trying to just do everything normally.  Which involves things like going to work, grocery shopping, and getting my hair cut.

Notice anything different there?  I've mentioned my stupid cowlick before, and how it gets in the way no matter what I do with my hair.  It causes a lot of problems with my bangs because it makes one little clump of them want to be separate from the rest.  When I got my hair cut this last time the girl cutting said switching my part from my left to my right might help, so that's what she did.  If I look a little nonplussed in that picture, it's due to my whole world having just been flipped on its head.

It might not seem like that big of a deal, but moving my bangs from one side of my head to the other pretty much altered my perception of reality.  Everything felt weird, and the worst part is that I couldn't keep my hair out of my face anymore.  You know that flip thing Justin Bieber used to back when he had those hilarious head-encompassing bangs?

Well, I have to do something similar, and hopefully less absurd, to move my bangs out of my eyes.  I've had this style since 2010, and I've always tipped my head down and then to my left to flick my hair back where it needs to be.  With the bangs on the other side I had to do it the other direction, and I just couldn't.  Seriously.  My muscle memory is too strong to relearn this process.  As a result, the bangs stayed on my right for about a day before I had to switch them back, or risk losing my mind completely.
So the world seems right again, or at least more right than it did yesterday.

Side note: if the FBI ever looks into my Internet search history, what I'll be most embarrassed about by far is "Justin Bieber hair flip gif".

1 comment:

Jo said...

Oh my gosh. I had a kidney stone several years ago, and it was by far the most pain I've ever been in ever ever ever. I'm with you on the constant fear!!!

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